Shawty Lo and the Big Cats

I am going to board a train soon;
a hurtling land bullet that I wish
had more to do-- kind of like that
train in Goldeneye with all those
people to kill.

Words

Words:

drunj
drunjhorse
smurve
frimpkins
slurk
slurve
proch
sprots
gime
retsinos
psuanos
worlf
drinsk
snopy
heheh
shitbird
birdmouth


There are no other words.

We Run This

If there is nothing to do, strike us down. I work. I go to work. There is work. I wouldn't worry about all this if I didn't work. Or go to work. There are works. The walls, raped of color, rapid declines. Major intimidation, minor apprehension but it all adds up. I'm worried. The equation is x(int)*y(app/2)/z(dec)=work*worry Soon, there will be a singular number and it will envelop us all. Until then we wake up, we accept the bad news and wait. What the hell else? Just hang out.

I listen to Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska too much.

Get Noticed, Feel Better

I was so drunk that I watched the Oscars last night. I had no idea how many categories there were, but I was shocked that the following weren't included:

Best fat guy: Fat guys are awesome in movies. This should be recognized.
Best cell-phone conversation that acts as exposition: My favorite part of any rom-com.
Coolest old guy: Morgan Freeman needs an Oscar.
Another One: Witticism.
Italian young dudes get mad really quickly: Drop of a hat, man.
Clink-it: Awesome.
Ask Me: I have to wear that phrase on my nametag and it makes me sad.
I lost the point of this post: ANIMAL PHOTO.

I RETURN TO YOU MY LOVE

My coworkers and I have noticed a supreme overindulgence in business books lately. It's really out of control. All the Old CEOs are out of work and making sure we know that they were good at their jobs at some point. Here's just a few of the titles we found just within the last few weeks:

Smack Your Dick with a Billiard Cue (and Other Business Ideas)

Waxing the Tip: How to Get Ahead in the Business World

Putting Raisins Between Your Toes and Other Moneysaving Tips

Wear a Penguin on Your Head: Sales and Strategies for the Norwegian Market

Outrun the Cheetah: Excellence in Web-Designed Retail

Suck Out the Seaweed: Moneymaking in a Complex Market

The Macrocephalic Prostitute: A Portrait of an Unlikely Billionaire

Who Jumped the Kitty: Management Strategies in a Harsh Environment

Indian Cousins: More Tales from the Business Lecture Circuit

Just Piss On It!: The Stingray’s Approach to Business

Ninja in the Boardroom

Who Peed in My Coke?: Dealing with Asian Trickery in the Marketplace

Striking the Homeless: Undiscovered Real-Estate Avenues in Medium-Sized Cities

Stowing the Body: Cleaning Up After Disgruntled Employees

Wear Your Bikini to Work: Getting Ahead with a Great Behind

Get Off My Lawn: The Insider’s Guide to Outsourcing

Back on the Boat: The Pros and Cons of Foreign Hiring Practices

What Colour Is Your Workforce?: New Ideas for Diversity Marketing

Fighting the Mud Demon: How to Fight Without Getting Your Hands Dirty

Fu-Manchoose: Getting Ahead in the Far East Markets

Endless Supply Closet: Homosexuality in the Workplace

Don’t Tweet the Threesome!: Proper Social Media Etiquette in the Workplace

Date Your Bosses Daughter: Tips for Accessing Untapped Markets

Staple Gun: Securing Your Office Against Employee Rampage

Hands Off My Box: Warehouse Ethics

Dirty Sanchez: What to Do When You Discover an Illegal Immigrant in Your Midst

Try This On: Abusing Interns for Fun and Profit

That’s What She Said: Inappropriate Workplace Banter and Easy-Fix Solutions

Milk That Frog: European Market Failures and How You Can Profit

I Went to Harvard: A Harvard Grad’s Guide to Mention Graduating From Harvard

Martini Lunches (and Breakfasts): The 12-Step Plan to Hiding Alcoholism in the Workplace

Maharichie: Emerging Indian Markets

Rocker Fella: Band Financing for Musicians

Biscuits Ain’t Sweet: Avoiding Disastrous Ideas in Food Service

Where Do You Think You’re Going?: Customer Loyalty in the New Retail

I Murdered My Parents: Selling Your Inherited Mom and Pop Stores

At the Steak: Branding So Good it Hurts

Fuck You, Cockmouth!: Quit Your Job and Stay Afloat

Some of these are just weird, no? And racist. So strange that the modern business man (or woman!) can get away with all of this.

Conversation part VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

me: gime
gime drinsk
with some rominute pls
lightly greased
Palubat: the rominute is all sold out
we have none left
me: fucking cocksucker
Palubat: excuse me sir?
me: I said lucky rock splitters
they got the last ones-- over at the table near the window
I'll have the frimpkimn
frosted
and gime drinsk
Palubat: here's drinsk
me: oh good
Palubat: for the frimpkimn, i'm afraid we have no more frosting
me: bitch-mouthed fools
Palubat: say what now?
me: I was commenting on how the ditches in the south pool
with water
in the rain
I was watching history channel programming before I came.
I'll have a plate of retsinos.
Stuffed with gritorma cheese.
Palubat: i'm afraid we're unable to serve you
me: well isn't that nifty
you dickfucking immigrant

I interviewed Jawbox.

Well, 1/4 of them so far. Do this, even if you are not a Jawbox fan. Zach Barocas is a hell of a dude and he really gets into the ideals of an amazing band during a strange time period.

That is all,
BoL/Jeff