Jun 18, 2006

Whale in the Sky keeps on turning.


Japan, apparenly, has decided to start commercial whaling again. You know, the Japanese Native Americans used to use the whole damn whale, but nowawdays these new whalers are after only one thing. You know what I mean, lady whales.

I've decided on the following whale preparedness and safety rules:
--No skirts or shorts exceeding 5 inches above the knees are to be worn at ANYTIME.
--Make-up and cosmetics are no longer permissible on ocean grounds.
--Whalers MUST be chaperoned by an accompanying adult while visiting female whales.
--Beluga whales are not permitted to use the same water spaces as all other whales because they are not not the same as the rest of us.
--I have been drinking way too much lately, and I am scared I may be battling a severe bout of loneliness and depression.
--All special events including dances, spears through the belly, illegal poaching, etc., must be approved by permission slip as well as administration approval.
--Alcoholic beverages are banned in ANY/ALL CIRCUMSTANCES on ocean grounds.

These precautions are for your protection, lady whales. Do not victimize yourselves. (I mean, c'mon, here, didn't you expect to get poached swimming around in those clothes?) Anyone found in violation of ANY of these rules will be warned verbally, and on second offense forcibly beached.

So, what do you think? I say stern but fair.

Clearly, I am not a whale; human as all hell, clearly.


No comments: