Jul 14, 2006

Bilingual Bloodfest

When everything else fails, nothing matters at all, ever. Remember I said that.

It'll be important when you stand at Tom Brokaw's/Tom Robbin's grave hemming and hawwing about some ole bullshit.

HEY--

I got interviewed by the New Yorker! Here's the transcript:

NY: Hello?
J: Hi, I'm calling for Bob Newhart.
NY: There's no one on staff by that name.
J: Hmmmmmmmm. Says here that he guest wrote for you guys in the last coupla decades at some point. Check with Davey Remnick. He'll know.
NY: I have the list up on my computer. No office for Bob Newhart.
J: Can you just, you know, do some his stand up for me? Like that one where he can't get anything right? Or when he is all like, "I'm the lovable loser...?"
NY: Sir, can I help you with anything else?
J: You sound nice.
NY: I'm hanging up.
J: Are you sure Newhart's not there?
NY: Yes. Also, he never wrote for the New Yorker in any capacity-- I cross-checked the New Yorker DVDs, and he is nowhere to be found. Thanks for calling--
J: ?Donde esta mis zapatos?
NY: Did you check under the couch? Where did you last see them?
J: Yes and they were on my feet.
NY: I got nothing.
J: Bob Newhart would've known where they were.
(silence)
J: Wanna go out some time?
NY: Excuse me?
J: You sound like you're wearing a skirt.
NY: Goodbye sir.
J: I love you. Hello?
J: Hello?
J: So this horse walks into a goddamn bar...


Wow, what an awesome opportunity--being interviewed by the New Yorker! Exciting! I tell you, I am on the way up! Holla at the Jerff bandwagon!

OUT--

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