Things I won't mention in my job interview tomorrow:
--I've made fun of the autistic before, many times over.
--Maps excite me.
--I watch Wifey's World.
--I do a great impression of poor black people.
--I often place two words together in an attempt at hilariousness.
--I contemplate quitting everything at least two times a day.
--I like Rick Ross's I'm A Hustla, not for its campiness, but for its completely frivolous nature.
--I drink with Randy Sterling.
--The Strand is the label that pays me.
--When I walk in NYC, I often sing the hook for ODB's I Can't Wait, and I actually imagine a baby Jesus with gigantism in it's head growling saying something along the lines of, "Bite My Balls, n---a."
--Momma Cass didn't actually die from choking on a ham sandwich, assholes. Also, the owner of the Boston Red Sox didn't sell Babe Ruth to run a musical. He did it 'cause Babe Ruth was an asshole, and where do assholes usually end up when they think they're wasting their talents?
--I trace the death of music to the Aerosmith/Run-DMC collabo.
--I was straightedge.
--My feet oftentimes split open near my toes and bleed a lot. I buy new socks all the damn time.
--I love you. Lay with me in a field.
--I never grew out of my Salinger/Jawbreaker phases.
--I've been drinking.
Wish me luck.