Aug 23, 2006

The steering wheel is on the other side.

A new Questionnaire...

Are you qualified for being my damn girl?:

1) Are you/Have you ever been in Al Queda?

2) Have you ever been smacked by Trina?

3) Iss thatt ass too phatt??

4) Are you on any medication?
If yes, is that medication for:
a) Being crazy?
b) Having the damn herp?
c) Having herp's cousin/cousins?
d) Removing the idea of cousins from yr memory?
e) Marriage?
f) Yung Joc?
g) questionnaires?

5) Who you fucking with?

6) I've had a tough week.
a) hold me.
b) pay attention.

7) Do you watch Entourage?

8) Are you interested in me not hanging out with you at least 2 times a week?

9) Maybe 6?
a) Maybe I'll just almost completely ignore you?
b) Huh?

10) Paul is a merciless God. Is U-God the gayest member of Wu Tang?

11) Train A leaves New Orleans at 11 AM, and train B leaves NYC at 12 PM. If I die, does either make a sound?

12) Buy me things.

13) Wanna do the damn thang?

14) Do you keeps it real? The new Raekwon joints say you don't. What's the Lourve got to do with it?

15) Why you wanna break my heart?

16) If I once said that my ideal headshots would be black hair and navy beans splayed out over a VHS copy of the 1980s thriller "Jagged Edge" would you still be my lover?

17) How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?

18) Why can't you admit that yr shoulder ain't leaning? 'Cause you got that shoulder load?

19) WHY YOU FRONTIN'?

20) Are you mad 'cause I'm axeing you 21 questions? I love you like a fat kid loves loves cake. You know my style, I'd do anything to make you smile.

21) Are you in a relationship? Are you in any other type of ship? You trying to fuck, bitch? I'll need some ID.

22) Holla.

23) Yo Ghost yo RAE! What the fuck, yo? Where the fuck ya'll n-----s aaaaaaaaaat?

24) Jazze Pha? I don't know who you speak of. It's all Michael Nau around here.

25) Was Ricky Ross really born in the Crackhouse? Really?
a) Really?
b) Really?
c) No, really F'real? Naw. I mean, c'mon...
d) Really?

26) I love you. I do. Seriously.

Please complete in triplicate and mail in with a mash-up of Jordy and the Decembrists.
You know, Colin meloy has been seen working at the Jamba juice on 5th Ave. No shit.

Uh, thumbs? Nah, no thumbs.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

jeff i had a dream about you last night rick ross was leading you around the Reforma neighborhood of mexico city with his hand resting comfortably in your mouth you couldn't even enjoy the shops and sights and local flair because his big beefy paw was resting in your mouth do you realize how uncomfortable that is??? especially after rick ross ate sloppy joes and had no napkins available??? you can taste it on his hands! oh its so awful i hate the thought of it i hate knowing that right now rick ross is eating an entire tray of sloppy joes in florida and i can't be there with him and it's all your fault i never wanted to live with you i never did it was always him i always wanted to live with rick ross and yet i couldn't ever tell him not because i was too afraid or overcome by emotion no it was the sloppy joes they made so much noise he could never hear me

when rick ross eats sloppy joes it is EXTREMELY similar to a rhinocerous copulating--visually, aurally, spiritually

yeah thanks a whole lot for giving me port of miami i think it's broken my cerebellum i was sleeping whilst listening to it on headphones and around 2:30 i felt a soft crack in the back of my skull now i keep seeing rick ross riding a jet-ski naked whenever i close my eyes he's giving me the thumbs up