Dec 6, 2006

GOSS SIP SANG IT BITCHES

IC has decided to start a gossip column. Hope you enjoy it.

That horrific dull ache you feel? Oh, that's just the sinking feeling that everything around you is made of pounds of wet sand or medical marijuana in the shape of a perfectly to scale version of Penelope Cruz's vagina.

I have it on a good source that Tom Cruise slept with Rob Zombie, so he married Katie Holmes. That makes Rob Zombie's beard the beard being covered up by Katie Homes' being Cruise's beard. Weird.

Mary, Mary quite contrary? A two-bit whore. No shit. It's all about possessions. She'd sleep with you for your Wii.

The end of us has come. That end is named Jamal Magloire.

The new new thing? Acting like things matter when really they don't. They really matter little. Very little. Get that out of your mouth. You don't know where that has been.

Mexicans are everywhere. They've invaded Nicaraugua. They also see Caracas for what it is. They are threatening white people with their lolipops and unicorns. They've decided to slaughter the pillows supporting the neck of the American Dream. My GOD man, don't you see why the immigration is so the hot button the issue here? OMG TRU.

Young Dro doesn't believe Tommy Lee Jones is alive. He really doesn't. That sonofabitchbastard. After TLJ helped him kick grass? Ugh. Sickening. Dro is sooooooooo three weeks ago!

Let's consider this: Tom and Michael Bolton have signed on together to tour extensively promoting the new war on those little Mexican gum packages you find sometimes. I forget what they are called, but they are DELICIOUS AND FULL OF TERRORISMIST PRACTICES. HOLY MAGNIFICENT CHRIST. SO GOOD.

The Clipse are Rap Music's hottest new group. This has Tony Romo in an UPROAR. His album, "When In Romo," apparently, has been ripped off word for word by R-E-U-P-G-A-N-G. Damn. Ain't life a bitch for America's Quaterback? Apparently, in related news, I've decided why I don't find Jessica Simpson attractive. An IC Ward exclusive: Jessica Simpson is unsmart. HOLY THE FUCKSHIT.

Stay tuned for the next Hollywood Update, where IC Ward uncovers the newest unmastered John Ritter Raggaeton mixtapes. WACK.





ROMO Quote of the week: OMG TRU/ Dallas in a romp/ me and Weezy better than Jay-Z/ Clipse, nuccas, why you gotta front?/ Throw the crown in the trash/ Romo coming clean/ Trade the crown for the ring?/ Uh-huh/ Yeah.

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