Dec 19, 2006

We Gonna Dip It Like THIS, Man.

TLJ IV: The Last Final Installment That Will End Here Forever and Never Happen Again Ever No Seriously.
A Paul Nair production of a Jorff LHMFSU:BWSTAUI:GBTU^&RG>IasjdnfR$Din short
installment one
installment two
installment three

Everything about the escape was so goddamn ordinary. Tommy Lee Jones is standing outside of his house looking up toward the river valley and he is smiling. God, how he smiles. He slips undetected into the aprtment and sets a bag of stolen shipwreck remains beside a beige couch. He was wondering whther the keys would work. He runs his hands over metal cut scars. He drops onto the couch and sighs.

As he falls asleep, he feels water rushing in over him. He can't actually still be trapped? Can he? No! He escaped scraping his skin jamming his shoulder against doors, sucking the air from dying crewmen on the way to the surface. He floated for days. Yet, his chest feels like it is caving in; pressure causes his heart to beat rapidly as he sucks in water instead of air--

He awakes screaming. His spouse runs out. She embraces him. He fondles her breasts and screams in Japanese. Everything is on fire.

GODFUCKNINJA DON'T YOU SEE? NO ONE ESCAPES! I AM THE RECONSTRUCTION! I AM EL MOZOTE! I AM THE END OF HUMAINTY IN 2112! I AM SALMAN RUSHDIE'S SHALIMAR THE CLOWN!

His wife, joined by their children, are collapsed around him crying. She notices now-- he is covered in rashes, he is bleeding, his right eye is swollen and leaking clear visocus fluid. His bucknife gleams in his hand. He has half of a Duke Blue Devils hat covering his raw red crotch. He is wearing nothing else. He stands screaming in Swahili or some such nonsense. He will kill them all.

She switches on the television. There, the television show "What I Like About You" shows Jennie Garth and Amanda Bynes strutting around in little clothing. They quabble over attractive men. Tommy Lee Jones is sedated, save sobs that fill his lungs with emergency air. He sits and watches for hours. Shows come on. He watches sullenly.

She knows that in the morning, she will have to pay the cable bill. She will never NEVER ask Tommy Lee Jones to take the garbage out again. He had been gone for four hours this time. Now, every now and again he mutters about graffitti. Tommy Lee Jones HATES graffitti. Why so interested now? She sighs. She has no idea. She just knows that the rest of her life will be misery -- a semantic tie to a man possessed with nonsense-- and she will die first. She just knows it.

FIN.

Jim Jones Quote of the Day: Dude,/you are insane./WTF?/OMG.

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