Jirboi Master P has been seen straight MACKIN' on your girl. I'm a friend... I just thought you should know. I mean, I always knew she a freak, man, but that dude OLD. DAMN.
Mister Dr. Dre called this morning to inquire about a hot tub. As we have all learned, HOT TUB EQUALS BITCHAZZ. Oh shit. I'm really excited to be invited to be a doorman for the first entrance to his mansion and to stay in contact via walkie-talkie with Mr. Dr. and his horse, Slay-Dizzle, to keep out roughians. I'm also excited not to get paid for this honor. The racial epithets ALONE are worth it! Dre's the best.
Marinate on this: Andre 3000 has twelve fingers on his right hand. This has been kept secret by the same people who kept a lid on Steve Guttenberg's mangled left ear.
DUDE-- have you seen the new previews for TARANTULAFORMERS the MOVIE? Tommy Lee Jones is gonna be the best John Goodman as a spider bite victim EVER. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$?!
Word has it that Q-Bert: the Movie has former drummer Tommy Lee in a tizzy. His roll as Elisha Cuthbert has been limited. The studio claims he's been doing WAY too much cocaine. He claims Q-Bert has been screwing around with his fiancee and financier, Ms. Pac-Man. Ain't life a cold hard kick in the pants sometimes?
In other Q-Bert news, Mr. Bert's attorney, Frank Dux has been in the news lately for continually laundering Q's money. To his defense, Q-Bert maintains that Dux has some cleanliness issues caused by Q's foul language problem.
That's all for this week. Tube in next week when we discuss the lighter side of death with John Ritter and his new Ragaetton Group, Maid SKILLZ.