Jul 15, 2007

Sunday Commentary: MOUSE WAR


As seen on "Meet the Press" Sunday, July 15th.

Tim Russert: We're here today with Vice President Jarf Lingsauhahughlin, of Forsaken House. Thank you for joining us, Mr. Lingsauhahughlin.

Jarf: Thank you, Tim, for having me.

Tim Russert: Of course, a pleasure, always. Well, let's cut right to it then.

Jarf: Let's.

TR: The MOUSE WAR. Publicly funded and yet UN Ambassador NAIR describes the mouse as a non-threat to the public. As of late, you've been a fence-sitter on the issue, and Newsweek called this THE hot-button issue for this year's Forsaken House elections? Why the pragmatism in the face of the voters' eyes?

Jarf: The MOUSE WAR is a complicated issue, to be sure, Tim-- one of boundless enthusiasm in the eyes of pro-glue trappers and one of endless cruelty in the eyes of the vehemently anti-cruelty. To say that pragmatism is the cuase of concern here is to glean the importance of the MOUSE WAR. Instead, I've been focusing on the benefits of a mouse-free society and weighing those benefits against cost analysis and seeing what a peaceful coexistence can bring as well. There's simply too much at stake to fall on one side or another.

TR: Weighing the issue is one thing, Mr. Lingsauhahughlin, but it's entirely another to avoid the issue altogether. Senate Man has been quoted as saying that this war could effect the environs of the house so drastically that the understanding of the balances within the house could be altered forever. In a related note, tensions continue to mount in border areas: Refrigerator, New Couchland and Countertop are all vicious areas fighting against the spreading idea of human infiltration and cooking/eating democracies. How do you justify leaving these areas untenable while you make decisions? Is there--

Jarf: Well, Tim, one must consider a warzone for what it really is.

TR: Yes, but is there a certain sense of failure, here? Have the people of Forsaken House already given up on certain areas while concentrating on--

Jarf: Absolutely not. No area is a considered a failure in this house. Take New Couchland for example. The MOUSE Insurgency there has waned within the past 72 hours more than since before our first confirmed kills. To say that any area could be considered a failure would be mocking the MOUSE WAR and thouse giving their lives to it. Now, this is not to say that the war must advance into larger stages without a glance at the costs-- both monetary and humanity-- of such a widespread battle zone.

TR: Your response to those who would say that a dead mouse is not enough to call a war won?

Jarf: NAIRites have their points. One must consider the benefits before denouncing the detritus as such. Did the TACO WAR work out the way we planned? I'd like to think so. We eated the tacos and had tastyed GOOD. And now, in the face of a much graver threat, we must ban together to take the proper steps and follow the collect protocol to eradicate what could be a threat to our peaceful existence. To say that MOUSE WAR should not exist is a philosophical truism, but an altered one. A truism meant to fit a prefect world, to be certain, but not one in a world where humanity is not capable of coexistence with an enemy meaning to destroy us. We must look forward while regarding our safety and sanctity with a cautious eye.

TR: Well stated. As always, a pleasure to have a statesman on the program, Mr. Vice President. Good luck in the coming year.

Jarf: Of course. Nice to be here, and I'll be back sometime soon, I hope.

TR: We'd be honored. Coming up on Meet the Press, Representative Nuccas discusses the Blue Navigator and it's true meaning in the upcoming elections. Again, thanks to Mr. Jarf Lingsauhahughlin and we'll be back after a word from our sponsors.

1 comment:

Lizina said...

Well said.