Mar 4, 2008

Sick Birds: A Conversation, Part VIII

(NOTE: I'm sick as all hell, and medicated to the gills, friends. This one oughta be fun.)

So, this morning, while I'm sleeping through sickness and this woman from my college-loan office called me up.

Her: Good Morning, is this Jeff Lowlin?

Me: Close enough, sure.

Her: OK, hi. This is **** from the college foundation, do you have a moment to talk about your past due balance?

Me: Sure, go ahead and talk.

Her: OK, hi. you have a current past-due balance of ***.51, is there a way to make payment today?

Me: Lord no. I don't make that in a month at my job.

Her: OK. Can you make a partial payment?

Me: Lemme lay this out for you like I have each time you've called: I live in New York City with no familial financial help on 10 dollars and hour from a bookstore. I can barely afford rent, much less a social life or any kind of past debts. In time, perhaps I will get a better paying job. Thus far, however, I have not. I want to not have this debt as much as you want your money. Promise. I just can't give it to you now.I can send you 20 buc-- no, wait, I have to spend that on medicine 'cause I'm sick.

Her: OK, I see. Sorry to hear all that.

Me: I'm sure you are.

Her: Yes, OK, well, have you considered moving to a better location?

Me: Excuse me?

Her: Moving? Have you considered moving to assume a better position on your fiscal responsibility?

Me: Are you serious? You're serious. You want me to move to where there is LESS opportunity to get a job to pay my debt?

Her: Well, it's a suggestion, because you are clearly not assuming your responsibility as of now. Your last payment was

Me: Fuck off. Seriously. Find a new operator to call me from here on out, because you are a fucking moron. You'll get your money when I fucking damn well give you that shit. I'm going back to bed.

Her: Sir, there's no reason to use pr--


Needless to say, when they called back an hour later, it was a different operator. We worked out a forbearance, and all was well. The moral? None. Now, I'm off to the drugstore to try and fix myself back up. I should have a new post up later.

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