Mar 18, 2008

THIS IS THE PLAN




First Lady Sharky von Mormon (my newest roommate) has instilled an idea in me that may be the coolest thing I could do with my life. Since I've decided to quit drinking alone/to way too much excess, I need a new vice. Now, drugs and I don't mix. I smoke pot maybe once a month at most-- maybe I've smoked twenty times in my life at this point-- and cocaine just ain't my drug. Trust me. I need a vice, but not at the

Coinciding with this, my roommates are quitting smoking, So are three other of my good friends. My sister is cutting back. All of my friends are talking more and more about the idea of getting in shape and putting their lungs back together. I am in full support of this. I hate smoke. It's the worst part of non-New York bars, camping and the after-dinner tradition in my house. It just is. Now that my friends aren't doing it (and talking about how cool it is), I can finally say goodbye to one of my nemeses, right?

Nope.

I AM GOING TO START SMOKING. Age 26. April 1st. Cigarettes at their highest price. Everyone quitting. Smoking itself at it's least cool point ever. I'm starting. It's the smartest thing I've ever decided to do.

Now, I know what you're thinking, readers. It's gross, I'm already pretty cool, cancer, yada, yada, yada. I've got a six good reasons I should start smoking right now:

1) This will be hilarious on several levels.
2) More breaks at work.
3) Talking to girls at bars/parties will be easier.
4) I'll be the envy of all my newly healthy friends.
5) Something else.
6) One more.

(Last two reasons ripped off from the awesome, yet somewhat defunct bloop.)

So, what do you guys think my brand should be? Dorals? Sports? Kools? I'm DOING THIS.

5 comments:

Michael5000 said...

Maybe a very thin, small cigarette, such as Virginia Slims or Eves? They would position you as a non-conformist.

G said...

Roll your own. Much cooler. And then you can spike them with flavored tobaccos. Mmm.

d said...

i was going to say virginia slims also, but m5k beat me to the punch as always.

maybe you could be one of those douches that smokes cloves.

joey said...

strictly hookah

Business or Leisure? said...

All fine choices.

All all all.