May 11, 2008

Fetch Me a Remy Mervis on Diamonds


The Orange Mervis must be served ice-cold for maximum refreshment.
The Orange Mervis is something best made by professionals, but can be homemade if necessary.
The Orange Mervis may or may not contain a, or many, slug(s).
The Orange Mervis has a bitter flavor at first, but goes down smooth on a hot day.
The proper Orange Mervis should have orange peels floating over the top of the drink.
A Flying Mervis is mixed with alcohol and gin once the Mervis is ejected forcefully from the glass.
The Orange Mervis must be served piping, if not scalding or even boiling, hot for maximum refreshment.
The Orange Mervis is thew perfect drink for social occasions.
The Orange Mervis can fixed Arizona Style, Regular Style or Hindi.
The Orange Mervis, Arizona Style, has all the accouterments of a Regular Style, only it is served with Icy-Hot (or Vick's Vapo-Rub, if you cannot find Icy-Hot) around the rim.
The Orange Mervis, Hindi, has a variety of spices dumped into the glass and curry powder around the rim.
The Orange Mervis must be ordered description last like an adjective after the noun in Spanish. Let me have an Orange Mervis, Hindi, you might say.
The Orange Mervis should always be ordered-- if a bar is Mervis-free, once should not patronize said bar.
If a bar has The Orange Mervis on tap, well, this is a fine bar indeed.
There is an Orange Mervis bar on First Avenue at Doldrids near the Lower East Side, I believe.
The Orange Mervis should be served lukewarm for maximum refreshment.
The Orange Mervis is a fine thing for a Winter's day.
The Orange Mervis will get you druuuuuuuuuuuuu
The Orange Mervis is a combatant for social change.
The Orange Mervis will contact you if you need it's services. For now, it will bring the car around.
The history of the Orange Mervis is long and storied.
The Orange Mervis, straight from the microwave, is the perfect drink for a night alone while crying due to the crippling depression that haunts your pathetic life.
Ah, an Orange Mervis, an excellent choice.
Noted Orange Mervis enthusiasts include: Kobe Bryant, Mike Tyson, Gov. Mike Easby, Richard Yates, Yosemite Sam, Paul, and the patrons of omgtru bar on Third Street at Yoval Ave.
The Orange Mervis is banned in RI, MA, MN, NC, SC, ND, SD, WY, MI, NY, Sweden, Africa, Eurasia, FL, GA, AL, Crooklyn, the Staples Center, LA, TX and Candyland. Void in Canada.
I am losing my mind.
The Orange Mervis must be served medium-cold for maximum enjoyment.
The Orange Mervis can be found in other flavors, but that shit is for the gays.
Let me get a Flaming Mervis, Mango, because I am the gay, you might say.
FETCH ME AN ORANGE MERVIS ON DIAMONDS.
The pluralization of Mervis is Mervii.
TGI Friday's just added a Tangerine Mervis to their menu. I wonder...
The Orange Mervis is a delicious addition to your party platter.
The Orange Mervis, so good it will make your asshole split open and bleed like a wounded soldier.
Let me get an Orange Mervis with a hot towel for my split anus, you might say.
Now that is a good Orange Mervis. Delicious.
Bottled Mervis is available in many flavors for those on the go: available in Classic Orange, Tangerine, Mango, Spearmint and Algae. Coming soon: Orange Mervis, Hindi. Must be 21 to purchase bottled Mervii and WE I.D.
Can I interest you in a refreshingly hot Orange Mervis?
The Orange Mervis is perfect-- it is pure energy and light to be worshiped while ingested.

6 comments:

Michael5000 said...

I need an Orange Mervis on dry ice, Arizona Style, stat.

Business or Leisure? said...

Allow 10-12 weeks for overseas delivery.

Anonymous said...

can i have my hundred thousand dollars now please

Business or Leisure? said...

I'll fucking kill you, anonymous. I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME HERE

Patrick said...

The Orange Mervis Hindi lowered my T-cell count 47 points (Ed: He's full blown now, niggggga!) because I didn't get it up to a proper boil.

Oops! Make sure you put your microwave on the "high heat" setting.

Business or Leisure? said...

Tanqueray and mervii? Yeah, he's fucked up now, but there ain't no stoppin, he's still p