Feb 21, 2009

The Great War: A Primer


Paul: bats hang upside down in the morning
me: I've heard this.
Paul: enjoy the shrieking-less silence
me: I don't appreciate the violent texts, bat
Paul: there were no violent texts
what you have confused for threats are actually timeless bat poetry, passed down from generations
me: quote:
oh, nevermind
Paul: the bats are proud and like to share their culture with the jarves
me: that's great
send me a collection, then.
I'd love to read it all
I'm a poetry nut, of sorts, you know?
Paul: oh we will, you know it's just when bats get caught up in the moment
we like to share our culture
we are excited about this new era of peace
me: I hope so.
THe Jarves are still hindered by worry
Paul: now why would the jarves worry
traditionally weekends have been the periods of violence in forsaken house
but the bats feel confident that this weekend will remain peaceful
me: well, then, that sounds wonderful
Paul: we only pray the snate will remain in non-smash mode
or the fragile peace could be all for naught
me: as long as no one programs him like the bats did last weekend, all shall remain calm
Paul: that is a bold and baseless accusation
me: feckless and true, but that is neither here nor there
the peace accord shall remain regardless
Paul: the only crime committed last weekend was the brutal beating of a bat repeatedly at the hands of a wild, reckless jraf
me: ridiculous poppycock
Paul: that a jarf or descendent of a jarf would do that to a bat after the countless times forsaken house emergency medical responders (largely comprised of bats) have assisted jarves with their frequently labored breathing
well,
it's just a sad state of affairs
me: Sir, I don't appreciate the baiting tactics here.
Jarves have been peaceful for all of the years of forsaken house.
Paul: JARVES WANT TO KILL THE BATS
swoopin
me: There have been little to no instances of violence, and you harp on one specifically
this is no good
Paul: shrieking
me: the jarves trust no bat
DO NOT END THIS PEACFUL TIME
Paul: CORKS WILL FILL THE AIR
me: paws air in fear
Paul: THIS WEEKEND
me: SAY IT
END THE PEACE AGREEMENT
JRAVES ARE WAITING
Paul: BEARDS WILL BURN
me: THEY STALK IN SHADOWS
WINGS WILL BE CLIPPED
Paul: LONG LIVE THE SNATE
me: WINGS WILL BE VIOLENTLY RIPPED OFF
Paul: JARF SMASHER EXTRAORDINAIRE
SNATE HE IS OUR HERO
me: YOU ADMIT IT
Paul: A TRUE MERCENARY
me: THE BATS WILL BE DESTROYED FOR ALL ETERNITY
WE SHALL SING A JARFSONG OF VICTORY
Paul: BURY THEM ALL BENEATH THE WILLOW
me: OH WE WILL
Paul: AS JERRY AS OUR WITNESS
me: KILL THE BATS
RIP THEIR WINGS
SPILL THEIR BLOOD
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE THE JRAVES
Paul: tensions are mounting
the weekend will be fraught with worry
me: the accord was broken with your idle threats
remember that when you see the jraf
Paul: with no one to broker peace, like a miles or randy, or even a tedd... forsaken house could fall into anarchy me: I fault the bats entirely
Paul: on an entirely different note
i just decided i am going to get drunk all weekend

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