May 19, 2009

Wolves: A Primer

When becoming acquainted with a wolf, one must not offer to buy the wolf a drink. This is an affront to a wolf. Instead, one must wait until the wolf buys the first drink. A cultural oddity, true, but one that is very important.

Wolves are standoffish by nature, but only about the NBA draft. They have strong feelings about whom should go where.

If you are approached by a wolf in a delicatessen, remain emotionless when discussing your choice of cheeses. This will earn you what is known as "woods points" to the wolf community.

Take your time in undressing a sensuous lady wolf. The reward may last you the rest of your life.

Man, listen. A wolf ain't trying to hear some bullshit about no flying cars. That shit is for the birds, my dude.

The fact that a wolf has on a neon-yellow parka does not mean that it is going to rain. Those are just high fashion to wolves this season.

Don't assume. That makes an ass out of you and wolf.

Pointing is a dead language to wolves. It would be like walking up to a young neighborhood kid and calling him "whodi." You're just gonna look dumb, so don't do it.

Be safe out there, wolves have been known to sell illegal, pirated copies of Nat-Geo documentaries.

Wolves love Jawbreaker. They wear shirts that often say "Expect the best, accept the worst." This is pretty much the mantra of young wolves these days.

A wolf has no reason to expect you to call, but he thought it was going well. I mean, there were no signs otherwise, you know?

Wolves have a low tolerance. Heavy drinking should be avoided.



Michael5000 said...

I've heard that it can be unwise to discuss serious personal or political issues with a wolf, because if a disagreement comes up the wolf may without warning lunge across the table and sink his or her teeth deep into the soft, tender flesh of your neck, rending your windpipe and tendons and vital arteries into torn, ruined shreds. True?

Business or Leisure? said...

It depends on what your political views are, but yeah. That sound about right.