Jun 9, 2009

Ideas For Dates



Board bus to Harlem, pop a bottle of scotch, split bottle of scotch, exit bus, go back.

Place penis in microwave, turn on microwave, watch penis fry, enjoy each other's company.

Race to the nearest 7-11, eat grossest thing you can, race back, try to improve times.

Fall hopelessly in love early on in relationship, wait for failure, know defeat.

Read interesting magazine articles, meet up, don't talk about them.

Get drunk, drop bouncy balls out of your window, see whose rolls farthest down the street.

Make a list of songs about drunk tanks, whomever knows the most wins the soda of his/her choice.

Go to a pet store, plan the cat you want to buy and then ask the cat how it feels to want.

Buy an acoustic guitar, pluck notes, sing about the banality of it all, kiss passionately, fall asleep.

Rent a tux/dress, show up to pick up date in it, take him/her to a fast food restaurant, offer to buy restaurant outright.

Rent a bicycle; red, ride it down a hill while confessing the nastiest shit you've ever done, ask him/her what he/she thought you said, laugh for hours.

Drive to a rest stop, watch people walk around solemnly, read good poems.

Get so drunj you can't see, fornicate against a wall, stumble around embarrassed.

Go to dinner, have a drink, relax.

OK, that last one su

4 comments:

TID Staff said...

these are really good ideas actually, thanks for nothing assbird

Hannah said...

This is great! This reminds me of when we used to pass notes that were like HAY WANNA COME OVER AND READ THE COLLECTED WORKS OF THOMAS AQUINAS? HAY WANNA COME OVER AND I'LL SHOVE YR HEAD IN THIS BUCKET?

DvE said...

oh hey an ironic internet post about how to be unsuccessful with girls.

why don't you go play some WoW, cuntface.

Business or Leisure? said...

Have you collected two of every animal yet, Dan? Can we start building the ark on your roof?