Mar 4, 2010

I RETURN TO YOU MY LOVE



My coworkers and I have noticed a supreme overindulgence in business books lately. It's really out of control. All the Old CEOs are out of work and making sure we know that they were good at their jobs at some point. Here's just a few of the titles we found just within the last few weeks:

Smack Your Dick with a Billiard Cue (and Other Business Ideas)

Waxing the Tip: How to Get Ahead in the Business World

Putting Raisins Between Your Toes and Other Moneysaving Tips

Wear a Penguin on Your Head: Sales and Strategies for the Norwegian Market

Outrun the Cheetah: Excellence in Web-Designed Retail

Suck Out the Seaweed: Moneymaking in a Complex Market

The Macrocephalic Prostitute: A Portrait of an Unlikely Billionaire

Who Jumped the Kitty: Management Strategies in a Harsh Environment

Indian Cousins: More Tales from the Business Lecture Circuit

Just Piss On It!: The Stingray’s Approach to Business

Ninja in the Boardroom

Who Peed in My Coke?: Dealing with Asian Trickery in the Marketplace

Striking the Homeless: Undiscovered Real-Estate Avenues in Medium-Sized Cities

Stowing the Body: Cleaning Up After Disgruntled Employees

Wear Your Bikini to Work: Getting Ahead with a Great Behind

Get Off My Lawn: The Insider’s Guide to Outsourcing

Back on the Boat: The Pros and Cons of Foreign Hiring Practices

What Colour Is Your Workforce?: New Ideas for Diversity Marketing

Fighting the Mud Demon: How to Fight Without Getting Your Hands Dirty

Fu-Manchoose: Getting Ahead in the Far East Markets

Endless Supply Closet: Homosexuality in the Workplace

Don’t Tweet the Threesome!: Proper Social Media Etiquette in the Workplace

Date Your Bosses Daughter: Tips for Accessing Untapped Markets

Staple Gun: Securing Your Office Against Employee Rampage

Hands Off My Box: Warehouse Ethics

Dirty Sanchez: What to Do When You Discover an Illegal Immigrant in Your Midst

Try This On: Abusing Interns for Fun and Profit

That’s What She Said: Inappropriate Workplace Banter and Easy-Fix Solutions

Milk That Frog: European Market Failures and How You Can Profit

I Went to Harvard: A Harvard Grad’s Guide to Mention Graduating From Harvard

Martini Lunches (and Breakfasts): The 12-Step Plan to Hiding Alcoholism in the Workplace

Maharichie: Emerging Indian Markets

Rocker Fella: Band Financing for Musicians

Biscuits Ain’t Sweet: Avoiding Disastrous Ideas in Food Service

Where Do You Think You’re Going?: Customer Loyalty in the New Retail

I Murdered My Parents: Selling Your Inherited Mom and Pop Stores

At the Steak: Branding So Good it Hurts

Fuck You, Cockmouth!: Quit Your Job and Stay Afloat

Some of these are just weird, no? And racist. So strange that the modern business man (or woman!) can get away with all of this.

3 comments:

Michael5000 said...

You laugh at what you don't understand. Who Jumped the Kitty is my management BIBLE in these tough economic times.

Phony Gwynn said...

Just to be fair, that macrocephalic prostitute gave a great HJ.

E R Hull said...

funny. cool blog.